Posting this is terrorism in the UK. I picked up the 2025 Lonely Planet travel guide for London and it says that when accosted by asian rapists or murderers, you're supposed to stay put and think nice thoughts about King Charles until you're dead or no one is raping you anymore. Then you go get yourself some curry or a kebab and keep your mouth shut about it.
One of the greatest weaknesses Christianity is infected with is the glorification of pain, sacrifice, and suffering. To equate one's closeness to God or worthiness for heaven in terms of meeting a certain price in agony, pain, misery, years of barren loneliness, etc., is completely fucked. If you think God created you to hurt and quietly serve His enemies for 6-8 decades to "purify your soul" or some shit then you done goofed, nigga. Repent.
I will eat your brain with my dick.
Keep your fucking crapnigger faggotjabber away from my perfect serenity you shit gobbling knob bobbers! I cannot help or fix you in any way. You are hopeless. Give up.