@Momther It’s emotional burnout, I’ve recognized negative patterns in my parents in their relationship with me. It’s exhausting to be blamed, and unsupported by your Mom for decisions when one asks for help. Then with my Dad to have partial information, no clear communication, and gaslit. It makes me feel alone and I wonder if it’s always been like this. That’s it’s the main reason I try to help others so no one has to feel like I do.
A lot to shoulder, but this is my life to live.
@TenaciousGoat @Momther - I'm a little less than a year removed from a big blow-up with extended family. It was an incredibly trying time. But mixed in with that, were some bright sides & useful revelations. I don't know if they would apply, but maybe worth posting? 😇
I saw a lot of negative patterns - narcissism, lying, gaslighting, scape-goating, female entitlement out the wazoo... and I could go on. 🤔 And there were some very dark revelations - from me to them, and from them to me. ➡️
@TenaciousGoat @Momther - ➡️ The bright side of all of that though, is that it brought a lot into focus. Me and my immediate family have had own problems with each other (like any family) and we have our own harmful tendencies along much the same lines. And what all of that showed me, was that a lot of the habits and traits that I found so intolerable in my brother and sister (and that they found intolerable in me) were largely inherited... And I can cut a lot more slack for that now. ➡️
@TenaciousGoat @Momther - ➡️ Because it turns out, that's just who we are, and we're working with what we have. And in the grand scheme... We're really not so bad after all.
I also learned more about misplaced anger. A lot of my extended family wound up very pissed at me... or at least, they've convinced themselves that they are, and treated me as such. But they weren't mad at me really. They were mad at themselves, their own decisions, and their own shortcomings. ➡️
@TenaciousGoat @Momther - ➡️ And being aware of this, because I went through all that, I can look at them without anger or hatred (except for a couple of evil fucks, that fully deserved to be cut off forever). But the point is, that I took the time to sort it out for myself. And though it was difficult, and put me on the edge of sanity and self-destruction for a while... It was worth doing in the end.
I didn't just help myself, but also them (even if they can't see it right now). ➡️
@TenaciousGoat @Momther - I would say that the thing that got me through all of that, and allowed me to be my best, was an unwavering commitment to the truth (finding it, and speaking it as best I could), and honesty in my dealings.
It's important to remember that we're all just people. And as long as someone is trying, then I can work with that. If not? Well... 😔 maybe wait until they are willing to.
Keep your head up, take a break if need be. And all the best. 🍻
@YoMomz Thank you for sharing and your kindness. It’s nice to know my thoughts resonated with someone else, that’s enough justification for writing my post. I lot of what you said rings true that like your situation my parents are people, are flawed, and I shouldn’t resent them for being that way for I’m not perfect either.
