Robert Anton Wilson's Cosmic Trigger I, The Final Secret Of The Illuminati

Spolier: "The Final Secret Of The Illuminati" is when a deranged nigger crackhead murders your daughter, you just forgive him and just like put out more positive vibes, man. Difficult? TAKE LOTSA DRUGS NIGGA

There, now you are an officical Epopt of the Illuminati. (Don't tell the squares!)