So, I've had a few breakthroughs this week.

1st, I am committing to getting clean as of October 1st. I want to go into the New Year clean from pornography.

2nd, something hit me as I was going through the book of Job. A lot of people have used this book to further disenfranchise me in the past, using it to tell me that if "Job wasn't worth keeping what he had, then why should I have anything," etc.

What hit me, was that Job maintained his DIGNITY in spite of his detractors. He defended his integrity. So while my addiction is obviously bad and needs to go away, I shouldn't beat myself down and feel worthless based on what others think of me, which is WHY the addiction started to begin with.

God WANTS me to find joy. He GAVE me my talents, He GAVE me dignity, He GAVE ME THE DESIRE FOR LOVE, AND THE WICKED HAVE WORKED DAMNED HARD TO TAKE THAT FROM ME.

So I am setting myself to not only get clean, but I am going to work toward finding a lover. A wife. I don't want to hear the fucking "odds". I'm in God's House, so I can find what I seek.