i remember countless time where i ask God to just give me that, the only thing i wanted was her, or if i could not have her then, give me something close to her...
nothing, other man had her and her clones, i remember a dream i had confirming that believes that, god really did not care, she was been passed by every guy out there, and God was simply laughing at me.
i remember waking up punching the bed and cying...
part 2.
@RodrickSage - I've been a monk (volcel) for many years. And I know that feeling well. They call it one-itis (as in: "she's the one").
And I've blamed God, too. But in time I realized that we all have free will. And it's not God's failure. It's her's, and her's alone.
I believe that you are grieving - not for the loss of her, but for the loss of what could have been. Your vision was beautiful, and she couldn't see it - or she simply short-sightedly rejected it.
@RodrickSage - I believe that the sooner you see, and accept, her imperfection... the sooner you will feel better.
This is easier said than done, I know. If you're looking for chemical assistance, I can't recommend Lion's Mane mushroom supplements enough. They're OTC, and the effect is subtle, but real. It allows your mind the flexibility to relax your focus on your heartbreak.
Good Luck man. 🍻
P.S. - I didn't see all the other replies at first. 😅 Hopefully, one will resonate.