I think i accepted defeat the moment i had my midlife crisis when i was 28/29, i remember i tried to do so much to save myself.

but it was all in vain, i lost in life, i was crippled and broken, even though i not know how far lower i could fall in my life, no amount of good deeds, " good karma " or even the famous " honor your parents " cuz save me from the abyss.

-----------------------------------------------------

I knew I was defeated as a teenager.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCG0ngs8qns