Valid to feel this way. Tragic state of our humanity is knowing that we shouldn't be given another chance at forgiveness (by our rational, mortal standards) and facing the depth of God's infinite love and mercy. Literally incomprehensible to us.
One of the hardest things in this life is overcoming the shame of our sins to ask forgiveness, time and time again. There is a certain humility in understanding that God is more forgiving than us. I do not even begin to comprehend this. If I had to guess, the closest we can come to achieving real "inner peace" in this life is our acceptance and submission to the ineffable reality of God's mercy. I think very few Christians have ever reached this in their life. For the rest of us, we're best off abandoning rational faculties in regards to "if we deserve forgiveness" and put full trust in God and His sacrifice as we confess our sins.

RT: https://mugicha.club/objects/3f5e3fe4-0eec-4fd9-97ca-d6ff8ae05e96

I feel like this is related to what people have been praying for when they ask to be filled with "the fear of God". Fear of knowing the extent of one's sins, the justification that God has in holding these sins against us, if He so willed, and total faith in redemption in spite of the weighty sins we have confessed and asked forgiveness.

@nike @DrRyanSkelton

Fear of God is to encourage people not to make bad choices because they know there is a higher power that they can not negate and that the higher power can cause consequences they can not negate with their lower mortal power if they make bad choices

This is a prerequisite for understanding that without forgiveness one would be condemned

Using forgiveness as a license for wrongdoing results in ignoring the consequences of wrongdoing & inflicting them upon oneself Jude 1:4

I've wondered if this is the full extent of meaning behind "fear of God". I think most people inherently understand there are consequences to sin and unrepentance--the law written into our hearts, and our innate sense of right and wrong that come from this. I think where a fuller understanding of "fear of God" comes from is that after recognition of one's sinful actions, becoming awestruck by the vastness of God's forgiveness and resigning oneself to God so that the Holy Spirit may help us lead a life that turns away from sin and turns toward God.

@nike @DrRyanSkelton

If you understand the physical consequences of actions first and then realize you need forgiveness and also try not to do the thing with bad physical consequences that is beneficial

If you start with the idea of forgiveness and think that forgiveness will protect you from physical consequences so you do not have to understand the physical consequences of actions that means you have no fear of God and it will result in you experiencing the ignored effect of bad choices