I'd like some thoughts on some feedback I received from an individual who is training me in a leadership role for an organization to which I belong:
He stated that I say "please" too much to people who are under my authority in my role. He stated that I need to simply tell them what to do rather than asking them. To me, it makes more sense to use both but to tailor my speech to the person. Some people respond better to commands and others to requests.
Thoughts?
@DoubleD I think he has small PP when he need to state in every request that he is above them in every request.
Like king talking to peasant.
What you do is more like king making request to someone he trust.
Like don''t you want to give some reward and respect to people that are under you and make good job.
@Stahesh Good points from Sun Tzu
Honestly, the answer is going to be different if you're managing men or women.
Assuming men, you can go right ahead and be as blunt as you like so long as they perceive you to be a good servant-leader.
Women have access to shadow hierarchies & gossip mills that men typically don't, which means eventually they will shit test you. That's just how it is.
@DoubleD Feedback is fine. You don't have to implement it unless you feel your way isn't working.
I think it works for me. When I ran a kitchen I made sure I said WE and US.
"We need more 'X' We should have some right next to the green peppers."
"Hey, we're out of 'Y' can you get us another bag?"
""Can you take that call for me, please? Thank yoouuu." Sometimes an exaggerated, cartoony "thank you" helps. But that works with my personality too.
"Go ahead and get that. I got this here."
@RoninGrey I agree with making efforts team efforts. People under me at my day job prefer being given orders, but I still say "Could you do X, please?" or "Please do Y."
There's also a difference between a question and a polite order.
It feels more comfortable to give orders in a polite manner. Some people respond better to direct, non-polite orders, but I suppose need to adjust to handling them. If someone needs to be yelled at, I'd rather fire them than be on them to do their job.
@DoubleD if you're dealing with women, you may want to say "please" because you're dealing with toddlers who will get offended if you just bark orders at them. Not sure what your circumstances are, but it's a tailored for the situation kind of thing.
@ButtWorldsMan It's certainly a tailored response that is required I have concluded.
He is an evil person who is trying to instill evil authority structure and does not respect those below him but do not tell him that or you will get fired
Whether or not you should say please or avoid saying please if you do not want to get fired, I do not know
@DoubleD
Being a good leader is 100% tailoring the right message to each underling.
Your trainer told you what works for him most of the time, which is a valid point, but applying his approach to everyone will definitely lose you top talent that has an ego problem or worse, someone who would be great if given freedom, vague guidelines and a clear goal.
On the other hand, it might not be worth the extra effort of tailored approach if you don't have any stake on the business/project. Trade-offs...
(This is after quizzing me on how I would handle situations and examining my hypothetical responses.)